Friday, May 16, 2014

It's Difficult to be Honest on the really Tough Days

Getting married in a State Historic Park/Ghost Town
Was one of the most fun and special events of my life
Besides the fact that it snowed a couple of inches that morning
And as the clouds cleared it became almost unbearably cold
While many made it to our 'destination' wedding
Some got stuck on a dirt road 
(because they thought taking the 'short' cut would be faster)

Having my dress get stuck on rusty nails
As I walked down the isle was hilarious
(Although I might Not have thought so at the time)
And the guys totally enjoyed freezing feet
Due to wearing what they called 'plastic' shoes

Yes, we walked on wet dirt roads to our photo shoot
Because we needed to have photos taken in front of
His family's vintage home
I guess this is where my love of 'vintage' really took root

Accepting the Cain Family Name was an honor
And it still is today
A family that made it's name during the California Gold Rush
And is forever a part of history

Marrying a man who was my very best friend
Uniting on one very special day
In a church and a town with a deep rooted history
Making a commitment to a lifetime of love

33 years ago today
(May 16, 1981)
I married this small town country guy who loved and honored a silly city girl
Who never owned a pair of jeans until we got hitched
He respected my wisdom and accepted my crazy ideas
He prayed me through infertility
And believed in our choices to adopt our special boys
He Loved the Lord and imparted grace during tough times

It's difficult to be Honest on the really Tough Days
My pride wants to be strong and stand firm
On the truth that I really am doing well 
Yet on days like today
I am weak, sad and feeling fragile

I miss my Guy SO much it hurts
Yes, even after 3 years
So today, or this week, if you see me
Or talk to me, or text me
Or think of me
Send an extra prayer toward heaven or just
Give me a Hug
Because once in awhile
I still have a tough day


  1. I am not sure what words will be correct in this instance.

    I have not experienced the loss of a spouse/best friend/companion, but I think it is okay to continue grieving because he will always be with you. It is okay to remember the good times/tough times/sad times/happy times with your special person.

    I wish you peace on this difficult day.

  2. Cindy, I've only come to know you but let me say I'm so sorry for your loss. I have never lost my best friend and husband, so I can't even imagine the pain you live with, but I have lost a son so I do know something about a different kind of pain. Just embrace the bad days for what they are and then think of the wonderful times that you had..Take care, Judy

  3. Love & hugs, so understand. And Happy Anniversary

  4. Dear Cindy ~ I totally understand, those tough days are really hard to take sometimes. We just have to go with the flow of our grief at any given time.

    I loved your wedding pictures and your love story.

    May you feel love, peace and strength flowing through and surrounding you today this celebration day of your wedding 33 years ago.

    Love, hugs and prayers ~ FlowerLady

  5. I have been remarried for many years, yet those "special days" still bring back memories of my first husband. There is no time limit on grief, Cindy. It's okay if happy memories bring back tears. Our hearts still miss the ones we love.
    After time...the sad tears turn into thankful tears.

  6. So sorry for your loss. We lost a very young great grandson and I didn't think I would ever get over the loss. But, after several years of grieving, suddenly, the memories turned to all of the good and fun times we had. That made the loss a tiny bit easier. My prayers are with you as you go thru this time of adjustment.

    Thanks for visiting 20 North Ora. I am your newest follower.


  7. Cindy,
    I think you are so brave to admit that it still hurts! Denying that pain only pushes it farther down and makes it hurt even deeper. I can not imagine how you feel but I know it must be awful to lose a spouse. I pray God will give you comfort and grace in these days!
    ((( Hugs)))

  8. Holding you in my heart this day dear one. I understand - my "three" year is coming up next week. I have those same feelings - the missing never goes away.

  9. Cindy, Thank You for sharing your "VERY SPECIAL DAY" and your "BEAUTIFUL MEMORIES". It somehow helps to know that I'm learning more everyday that there is no time limit on the grief of your best friend/husband being gone!
    Big Hugs & Prayers

  10. I love your wedding photos and the memories therein. Thanks for sharing them; maybe the "telling" helps some.

    Peace and prayers in your remembrance~elaine

  11. Your love for someone doesn't die away with them, Cindy. I think sometimes it intensifies because we look back and remember all the good and kind of close our eyes to all the little niggling things that upset us at the time.

    I am so sorry for you today- it must be a very hard day for you. It sounds like he was the love of your life...and that makes it all the harder to say a final goodbye.

    I will say a prayer for you and pray for peace- that your soul is soothed by good memories and KNOWING that you were so loved by a wonderful man. Blessings- xo Diana

  12. Such a sweet post and memory, Cindy. Thank you for sharing your heart. My thoughts and prayers are with you...I think about you often even if I don't post comments much!

  13. Such a sweet way to honor your husband. I'm so very sorry for your loss. I hope the memories of your special day bring you comfort. Thank you for sharing such a beautiful post.

  14. What great memories, Cindy. I loved your pictures! God be with you during this difficult time of your anniversary. Be blessed

  15. I have not experienced your experiences, and even if I had felt the loss of my spouse, my experience would be completely different from yours. All I can say is that you have some beautiful memories, and my hope for you is that some day those memories will outshine the sadness in your heart. It will just take awhile yet.


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