Wednesday, November 30, 2011

And The Doctor Says...

I wish I had a photo to share

Maybe tomorrow


The Geneticist Says

Baby Cain # 3

Looks Healthy

They will go back in 5 weeks

For more testing

But for today

Looks Healthy

Is what we wanted to hear




Girl !!!

Saturday, November 26, 2011


So Much
 To Be
 Thankful For
 A Family
 Who Has
 Surrounded Me
 And My Boys
The Most
 Difficult Year
 Of Our

Thursday, November 24, 2011

It's Here

One of the many first I have wished I didn't have to face has arrived.

At this moment I am alone in my home.  It is 9:30am, my mom and boys left for breakfast out and I remained home to continue preparing a meal for 21 hungry mouths later today.  The second onion I diced was a doosy and caused a few tears so I decided to step away from the kitchen to write down a few of my thoughts.

Today is the 11 month point since my husband's passing, it's Thanksgiving and son #1's 30th birthday.  In the midst of unspeakable pain there is so much to be thankful for.  A new friend and co-widow asked me to share 10 things I am thankful for which she has shared on her blog here.

Sadness is a portion of my emotions today, yet there is Joy which pulses from my inner most being.  The Joy that only God can create in a heart that has been torn and depleted.  Today, I am grateful for Joy, The Joy of The Lord, It truly IS my strength Today!!!

Please join me in wishing my Andrew a Happy 30th Birthday and now I will get back to the Kitchen before something burns!!! 

A Blessed Thanksgiving to You All!!!!

Wednesday, November 23, 2011


Though the Physical
Preparations are in full swing
 Potatoes and Yams
 20 lb Turkey

There is NOTHING
That can prepare my Heart
For the Ebb and Tide of
That will flood my soul tomorrow

My first Thanksgiving since 1979
Without my Beloved

My son's 30th birthday

The 11 month anniversary since
My Beloved's passing

There is NOTHING
That can prepare my heart

Sunday, November 20, 2011

A Ride on the Wild Side

Does anybody else live such a wild life as I
At 3am I took a ride to CRMC in one of these
 It seems I was attempting to have a stroke
According to these beauties
 Do you think they put enough of them on
And these are only the ones they left on
After being attached to these
Noting that my blood pressure was 225/150ish
Having two EKG's
A CTscan
2 X-rays
4 tubes of blood drawn

Doctor's determined that I didn't have a stroke
But had a significant elevation of B/P and heart rate
Probably due to
Forgetting to take my medication
Anyway, My sweet boys came and sat with me at the hospital
Then drove me home in this
That is the 'real' me
No makeup, in my jammies and hubby's robe
After several hours in ER
I had the opportunity to ride in son #1's open air Scout
What an exciting life I live
I have spent the rest of the day
Alone in my home
My kids gone on with their plans
I snuggled up with these two precious babes

I was so glad I took Mark's robe with me
While in the hospital I realized
It was my first medical event
In more than 30 years
Without him and I began sobbing
I think I made the paramedics a bit uneasy

My lecture:
Take your medications
Stop the Excedrin
Stop the soda
Drink Water
Blah, blah, blah

All I want now is a 20 oz sprite and an Excedrin
I have such a headache :(

Oh well,
That was my Ride on the Wild Side
For Today
Good Night All
I'm off to see if there is anything to eat in This Place

Saturday, November 19, 2011

It's Taking Courage

It's taking a heap of courage today
As I begin to pack away all of the cards
And notes I received after Mark's passing
 I would prefer never to put these treasured items away
Yet, it has been nearly a year
And honestly, there will never be a good time
 So today I gathered things up
Put ribbons around the cards
And began placing them in this memory box
I had made a couple of months ago
 I will keep this box close by
Every precious momento will be close at hand
When those days arise
That I just need to feel loved
But it's taken a Heap of Courage
To pack it all away today

Friday, November 18, 2011

All I Wanted To Do...

All I wanted to do
Was rinse out the large recycle bin
It should have only taken a few minutes
 Yet, an hour and a half later
After the recycle bin AND the trash bin
Had been cleaned out
The rocks and potting soil
Had been replaced from 'The Spill'
I finally got everything cleaned up
And put away

Well, at least my trash and recycle items
Will be happy when they are loaded
Into their nice and clean bins


Thursday, November 17, 2011

Sea Change, A Novel

Mystery laced with love, tragedy, loss and new beginnings are words that come to mind as I recall the read I just finished.  Sea Change A Novel by the author of Salt, Jeremy Page pulled me in from the first chapter. 

Beckoning me as I read each word, intrigued to understand the circumstance in which they were facing.  But as tragedy and loss claimed a man's mind, the story takes an interesting turn.  Lost in the 'what might have been' yet living in the reality of, Guy begins a written journey of the life he could only hope to have.

As I have lived the past 10 months grieving the loss of my beloved husband, I felt compelled in some ways to befriend Guy as he faced life alone following tragedy and loss.  You lose sight of reality and who you are when faced with life alone after so many years together. Through the written word, Guy attempted to soothe his grief and live the life he dreamed would have been.  At the same time, he journeyed alone in a boat called Flood with very little hope of a new beginning.

I must say that there were moments during this read that were sad and even confusing, yet as I began to feel the heart of Guy, and measure it against my own grief walk, I could understand and even sympathize with him.  

One caution: this book does deal with the death of a child!

You can learn more about Sea Change here and here.

Though I did receive a copy of this book and a small compensation, the thoughts and above review are my own.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Today's Joy

A few things that brought Joy Today
 Finally using part of a gift card
In which I have carried in my purse since February
 Sitting in the back yard
Looking at my new lawn
While wondering if it will ever fully grow
Since I can't keep the doves away
 Green trees
Fall decorations
In the midst of Spring flowers
Yep, This is Phoenix
Sam and Bodie
Keeping me company
While trying to get Rid of a horrible Migraine

Yes, these things brought Joy Today:)

Sunday, November 13, 2011

When God Answers

When God answers a prayer
It is seldom in the way we desire
Or the way we think He will answer

Most of the Time,
Maybe Always,
He surprises us in the Best Ways

This past week
I was burdened down with a heavy decision I needed to make
A decision that wouldn't necessarily change My life
But would or could drastically change son #2's life

I prayed and begged God to make it easier on me
I pleaded for Mark to be here
So he could help ease my pain
I didn't Want to make the decision
I knew I Had to make

I definitely didn't Want to tell my son
What he did not want to hear
His little heart has been so broken
Over the past year
And I didn't want to contribute to his pain

But I knew the answer
Dread enveloped my soul
Pain was written all over my face
I couldn't understand why God wanted me to break my son's heart again

The hours were clicking by
The time had almost arrived
When out of No Where
Came sweet, calm and deliberate
Words from my son's mouth

Mom, I just don't think I should do (...) right now
I think I need to wait a little longer
I need to take more time to think about it
I need to be an adult and wait for the right time

God gave me peace about my decision
But NO peace about talking to my son

Yet, HE spoke to my son instead
And gave him peace with the answer

You have no idea what a tender moment that was
When God speaks to your children
And they listen and act on His voice

Thank you Dear Lord!
There is Peace in our Home

I actually made dinner two nights in a row
I think that peace has calmed my freatful heart

Tonight's Fare

Chicken Vegetable Soup
With Knot Bread

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Becoming Friends

I think these two
Are beginning to become
Good friends
 Bodie is blonde and 10 months
Sam is black and 3 1/2 years
 I hope they are part of my family
For a Very long time

I got to spend my day off work
With my Precious K~Bel
She just makes me smile

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Did you see this???

Did you see this on the news this morning?

I was getting out of my car less than a mile from the accident when it happened.  I heard the explosion and watched it from my office all morning.

My son #2 was evacuated from his class site for the day, fortunately someone drove him home.

Traffic was awful!  Staff members unable to get to work as well as a few patients.

So sad and Very scary!

Yep, that Was my morning!!!!!!

Monday, November 7, 2011

Happy Picnic Faces

Even in the midst
Of Unspeakable Pain

There is Always a way
To Create Joy~filled Memories

Just a few of the moments
I enjoyed at our Church Picnic
Sunday, November 6, 2011