Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Ms Spirituality...More Than Just A Mask

*For those of you who have asked, here is a list of my upcoming posts:
Thursday, October 23 ~ A very special Thank You Thursday Tribute!
Friday, October 24 ~ An extremely important day ~
A special post with a giveaway ~ don't miss it!
Saturday, October 25 ~ What you have really been waiting for ~
Highlights and a few pictures on my recent trip to the Grand Canyon ~
because I know you are just on pins and needles wanting to see those pictures.



This week's portion of our journey through Behind Those Eyes by Lisa Whittle and hosted by Lelia at WriteFromTheHeart takes us to meet Ms Spirituality.

Who is this Ms Spirituality?

Paraphrased from Lisa's checklist, Ms Spirituality is a person who:

Attends church, Sunday school and midweek services every week.
Heads up one or more ministries.
Volunteers for everything.
Displays through pins, T-shirts, bumpers stickers or any other sign that she is a 'Christian'.
Collects and gives away money to the less fortunate.
Attends many women's conferences.
Speaks fluent Christianese.
Listens to only Christian radio and watches only Christian TV is she even has a TV.
Prays for missionaries and goes on mission trips.
And anything else she can use as a public display of her true Spirituality.

As Lisa introduced us to her, I realized that I had not only met her before, I was her. Ms Spirituality was not just a mask I wore, she was my full body armor, hiding a lonely, insecure, rejected, and broken woman.

I wore the armor well for many years. I had it all, did it all, was all that and a bag of chips and was the icing on the cake. I had title, position, influence and power all within the armor I so proudly wore. As the women's Pastor, all of the women came to me with their issues, needs and prayer requests. As the church administrator, everything came through me first. If there was a question, a need, a prayer request, a concern, a ministry opening, a volunteer position, I was there to fill the void. Oh, yes, I did it all, from cleaning toilets when others forgot to show up to designing and decorating the new building, if it needed to be done and there was no one else around, I did it, because I was in fact Ms Spiritual.

But it wasn't just at church that I wore the armor, no not me, I also wore it at home. My need for self preservation followed me everywhere. I suited myself with this armor as a means of protection from being hurt anymore. Nobody was ever going to hurt me again.

Any nobody did. I was taught not to cry or let anybody see any emotion. I held my head high through trial after trial and received great accolades for my ability to stay 'strong' and show such faith through the worst of them. I embodied Ms Spirituality.

Here lies the problem. Armor is heavy. The longer you wear it, the heavier it seems. The person inside becomes weak and after time collapses under the weight of the armor she has so lovingly and proudly worn.

February 8, 2007 God removed the armor from this broken and exhausted vessel when I walked away from all the titles, positions, influence and power. Those things and that life didn't matter anymore. The doors to that life were closed forever.

Yes, I was a Christian all that time, I was just a broken and hurting one who felt the need for protection. I learned well that you should 'never let 'em see you sweat' or cry or show emotion. Ms Spirituality was who I was taught to portray. Don't be real, just be there. Don't show emotion, just allow others to dump theirs on you. Don't say no, just do it. What lies we are taught in places we are supposed to feel safe.

Through the past 20 months, God has healed me in so many ways. The armor may be off and the pride has been totally crushed but there are still remnants of my past training that continue to be evident in my life. I still have not cried and find it difficult to show emotion. But I trust my Father to hold my hand until the process is completed and the real me is nothing more than a reflection of HIM!!!

Lisa's book is a tool God is using to help me see what has been hidden, not only behind these eyes but under the armor of protection I wore for so long.

Ms Spirituality is dead and buried. I pray that I will never dig her up and dawn her armor again.

"My yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:30 NIV

"I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you will learn to live freely and light." MSG

I will learn to live freely and light. What a great interpretation of a powerful scripture.

May we all learn to live freely and light as we walk hand in hand with our God. May He carry the weight of our brokenness. May my 'I' be sandwiched in H'I'M so that others will never see Ms Spirituality but only HIS reflection through my life.

Considering It All Joy,
Cindy

18 comments:

  1. Thank you so much for sharing. I, too, have wore such an armor, and I pray that I will look to Him and cast off that weight that so easily besets me!

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  2. Cindy,

    1st I am so glad you are doing better and had some time away with you three guys. I am on my lunch hour and went out to see if anyone had posted yet. Like you I have worn the armour of Ms. Spirituality, and I am trying to put her away but some time she sneaks back. I put off reading this chapter till last night because I just know I was going to see myself and was dreading it. I will be posting later tonight but thank you for sharing your heart. If I don't get back on your birthday have a joyful one and remember 50 is just a number, I can say that because I past it a long time ago.

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  3. Truly living in Him and for Him alone is so freeing! Enjoy your freedom Joy!

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  4. "Armor is heavy. The longer you wear it, the heavier it seems. The person inside becomes weak and after time collapses under the weight of the armor she has so lovingly and proudly worn."
    Whew! Cindy, I got tired just reading everything you did! Praise God that He has freed you from that life.
    Blessings.

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  5. "I learned well that you should 'never let 'em see you sweat' or cry or show emotion. Ms Spirituality was who I was taught to portray. Don't be real, just be there. Don't show emotion, just allow others to dump theirs on you. Don't say no, just do it. What lies we are taught in places we are supposed to feel safe."

    This is powerful stuff! Praise God that you are free from your armour. Hoping to hear that you have yourself a good cry one of these days--it is cleansing!!

    God bless you,
    Kim

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  6. Your blog struck a chord with me. My mother was head of women's ministry at a large church and just got burned way too many times, and she retreated. I'm glad to say and to encourage you, God took her to a dark place (fighting Stage 3 breast cancer) in order to heal not only her body but of her pain from ministry. She is now seeking God's will in pursuing her master's in women's ministry as am I. There is such healing when we can just BE.

    Thank you for your words.

    Kristy

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  7. Cindy,
    I haven't had the opportunity to write my post yet... it is still in process in my head. I am late at getting to it this week...

    I love your post, and how open you are. It makes me think of so many times I have done the same thing... just done everything... doing it to please others, make myself look good, to my family and others...

    It sounds like you are doing better. I am praying for you. And I have been all week. I am glad that you were able to get away from the everyday stuff and get out with the family on a vacation.

    God bless you this week,
    Heather

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  8. Thank you for letting us see your heart.
    I love what you wrote:Lisa's book is a tool God is using to help me see what has been hidden, not only behind these eyes but under the armor of protection I wore for so long.

    I believe we all have worn that same armor from time to time.

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  9. May he carry the weight of my broken-ness...OH how I love this!!!!

    Thanks for your open honest, real heart......God love that you know.

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  10. AMEN! Praise God for taking our burdens from us and tossing them so far away that we never have to go where we've gone before!!! I'm looking forward to seeing the photos of you trip. Blessings to you!

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  11. Thanks for all your support lately. It means a lot. (((HUGS)))

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  12. I'm so glad you have found such freedom in Christ since letting go of Ms. Spirituality. You load is definitely much, much lighter now and presumably much more joyful.
    Sweet Blessings,
    Paula

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  13. Oh, Cindy...you are right (referring to the comment you made on my blog) your story and mine are SO much alike. I love the way you described the heaviness of the armor and yes, to not be hurt anymore. (my story, my protection) And on July 1,2005, I layed it all down. Healing continues for me and I praise God that it does for you too. Thank you for the comment. I don't feel so alone. :)

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  14. Thanks for sharing from your heart. I appreciated reading your thoughts.

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  15. I am glad your back. I missed you!!

    Love Cindy

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  16. Cindy
    This thought so powerful "May we all learn to live freely and light as we walk hand in hand with our God. May He carry the weight of our brokenness. May my 'I' be sandwiched in H'I'M so that others will never see Ms Spirituality but only HIS reflection through my life."

    Wow. I can say yes yes yes that's what we need, and desire. Thank you for being so open about how Ms. S, was your armor. It really spoke to me, but it also made me think about how we can help buckle that armor on. Maybe by our expctations of what our women's pastor, or director "should be", and not for the person she is. Thank you for that.

    Can't wait to see the Grand Canyon pics.

    Carol

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  17. I just love you to pieces...you don't know how thankful I am that you live in AZ. Let's get together again very soon, ok?

    I will have something for you for your b'day.

    "Ms Spirituality was not just a mask I wore, she was my full body armor, hiding a lonely, insecure, rejected, and broken woman."

    That statement really helped me see where you have been and where you no longer want to be. Me too, sister friend!

    Love you, Lee

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  18. Cindy,
    I loved how you talked about armor and how it's heavy after awhile. When I read it, I got the correlation with putting on "spiritual" armors and how burdensome they can become over time. Great word picture!!!

    I love to hear how God is continuing to guide you as you choose truth. Continue on, sister!

    Lisa :)

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Hi Friend, I read and cherish every single comment you leave! You bring Joy to my heart! Blessings, Cindy