Before I begin this week's book study post I have the pleasure of announcing the winner in my 50 on my 50th birthday giveaway, Jenny at Special Considerations. Congratulations Jenny, please email me with your address and I will put the book in the mail.
This week in our Behind Those Eyes Book study hosted by Lelia of WriteFromTheHeart, Lisa Whittle challenges us to take the concealer off and reveal the real us. Umm, ok but I have a few questions first.
What if you have used concealer so long that the layers are just too thick to be removed?
What if in covering up the flaws you just cannot see the 'real' you any longer?
What if the concealer has become so hard that there is just no way to penetrate its depth?
What if your tears have been held back for so many years trying to protect the concealer from, you know, those lines that ruin the perfectly applied makeup, that the well of tears is totally dry?
What if, in response to other's comments regarding your emotions, you pulled the emotional trigger and buried your emotions so deep that you cannot find them in the mountains of concealer they are buried under?
I don't live my life in the 'what if's', I am far too busy to live in that neighborhood, yet there are times when I go visit and reading these two chapters this week has caused me to slow down and take a walk through the what if's. I don't like what I see in this dark and lonely neighborhood and it actually scares me to think that this place exists within my soul. A place called lonely.
How could lonely exist is someone as busy as myself? How could there be emptiness in someone who loves the Lord as much as I do? How could there be a hole in my heart as big and deep as the Grand Canyon itself in someone who knows God is there is fill every void?
Layer upon layer upon layer of concealer!
Insecurity, jealousy, rejection, fear, pride, and hurt cause us to lather on the concealer. Don't let anyone see the real you, they may not like what they see and therefore may not like you. The problem with that coverage is you lose site of who you are and loneliness settles in. I stand and look in the mirror and I do not even recognize the person staring back.
Here is were the concealer comes off.
I have lived my life with some concealer attempting to cover up a few bruises and scars from battles long since ended. However, five years ago I became very proficient in the use of concealer. There was a particular day, I remember it so vividly, and that concealer became my very best friend. Details are not important but looking back it was the most damaging day in the life of my emotions. It was the day I decided to turn off all emotion and cover them with the ever growing mountain of concealer.
I can look back at that day and see, it was not only the day I buried my emotions, butI think it was the day Cindy died. I just can't seem to find my way back to life.
So, I go back to my what if questions.
What if even God cannot peel the layers off?
What if my heart stays buried and I never feel again?
What if healing rain never comes and I never cry again?
It is possible that God is using this book like stripper on an old piece of furniture. Pouring it on THICK, allowing it to penetrate and then scraping it off to reveal the beauty which lies underneath. I hope so! But you know what ~ it hurts and it takes time.
The layers are plentiful. They are thick, deep and hardened by life's disappointments. But this morning as I type I am reminded of a scripture that I have prayed numerous times over my children.
"Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6
Though it is terribly painful, Lord complete the work you have begun.
I really am Considering It All Joy,