Wednesday, September 14, 2011

If Not Now...When???

I've been asking myself this question for a couple of days

It seems lately I have garnered a new habit of

What have I been 'putting off' until tomorrow
Well, just about everything

My home is a mess
My weight in reaching new highs
My garage is over flowing with boxes and piles of 'stuff'
My pool is turning green
My landscape is turning brown
Project after project are left unfinished
My camera sits unused
My blog/365 blog have been neglected
My Bible sits unopened
And my heart closed and in denial

If not for the knowledge that my job (of which I love)
Pays the bills
Some days I just wouldn't even get out of bed

Though it has been nearly 9 months
Since my Mark passed away
The past 2 months have been the worst
I believe the shock has worn off
And the numbness is gone
Reality has settled in
And I have crashed from the weight of it all

So as I have pondered these words
If not now...When
I realize that I need to make some changes
And NOW!!

I won't sit here at my computer and pretend to have the answers
I can't tell you what changes will be made
I can only say that
With prayer (yours and mine)
I believe the changes are on the horizon

I think it's time to start living again
Mark would be disappointed in my (now)
In my choices
And in my thoughts

So, to honor the memory of my Mark
I choose to Live Again

Oh...And if you have any
Suggestions, Tips or Encouraging Words
Yep...I'll treasure them all

If not now...When?


  1. Cindy,

    I cannot even begin to imagine what you have gone through and are still going through. Perhaps choosing one thing each week to move forward on would make it easier to get back to 'living'. Just a thought. Praying for God's comfort peace and help for you.

  2. Oh sweet lady...I soooo understand the "procrastination disease". I have it too. Badly!

    But, I rejoice in seeing your desire to live again! Following a few months behind you in this grief journey gives me hope to see what lies life!

    Love you!

  3. Knowing that the time is "Now" is the beginning of "When."

    I can't imagine the feelings that are surrounding you as you try to find your way to having life be(somewhat) normal.

    Remember the woman who knew if she could just touch the hem of Jesus' garment? Go ahead..touch it!

    In His Grace~Tammy

  4. Yes the time is now to take care of yourself and start living. One day at a time!!! Jesus is waiting for you to call on HIM each day as you begin again. He knows what you are going through and wants you to lean on HIM. Memories of Mark will be a part of this new life too!

    Praying for a blessed day! Love you! Connie

  5. My sweet friend, your beautiful, stunning heart comes through loud and clear....

    Receive His grace, dear one.... He understands where you are. He is not only OK with you, He delights in you. Never, ever, ever will your God be disappointed in you.

    What I watched with my mother, who was married 54 years is very similar to what you are going through. One day she found something that she believed in that she could wrap her arms around and get involved with... and she started to find her life again. She had to find her way by herself, she had been with my dad since she was 19 years old.... it was a process... but God had her, just as He has you.

    I am praying for you to find that sweet spot with Him where life begins again....


Hi Friend, I read and cherish every single comment you leave! You bring Joy to my heart! Blessings, Cindy