Now that the 30 day photography challenge is over it is my hope to get back to regular blogging!
Over the past 6 months many of you have had the opportunity to watch me waver in my emotions as I have traveled this new journey through the valley of the shadow of death. Losing my husband of nearly 30 years this past Christmas Eve not only knocked the wind from my sails it also sent me into severe depression which caused me to believe that my ship had sunk and I too had drown in the aftermath.
Depression is a devastating yet real experience that can cause physical as well as emotional pain. Tonight's post is not about depression however I believe that post will be written soon. Tonight I want to focus on getting my feet back on the ground, making choices to live and grow up in the wake of tragedy.
These past few weeks, as I was nearing the 6 month point since his passing, I had to make some tough legal decisions as well as financial ones. Because my husband had been ill for 8 years there was No life insurance on any kind. The $255.00 that you receive from social security was donated to one of Mark's favorite ministries. I did not want to financially gain one penny from his death. So what I will share is not because I received money when he passed. But I share because I've had to make decisions to grow up and being to live again.
As a middle aged widow I Hope to have many more years of happy and active life ahead of me. In that I don't want to be saddled down with the weight, heavy burdens and financial stress that so often plague widows when a spouse passes. Mark and I were smart with our finances in recent years and did not live above our means. We tithed, saved, did not use credit cards, and did not have car payments. However, we have a mortgage and 2nd for our pool.
I have prayed and prayed in recent months finally making some decisions in June. Last week I withdrew my IRA and savings to pay off my home :) :) :) That my friends; was a HUGE deal!!! My home is now paid if full!!! I LOVE those words!!
The day after paying of my home, my 13 year old car (died) :( Not a happy day for me! Yet, I have seen God work as I have grown to trust Him and believed that He would open the right doors for me to make another decision. On Sunday, without going into many details, God showed me the perfect vehicle for our little family and I was able to purchase it with a certification and remainder of the original warranty.
I forgot to take a picture of it before it got dark but here it is in the garage. As I type we are being hit by a horrendous wind/dust storm and I don't dare open the garage door to get a clearer shot. Maybe tomorrow:)
Every decision I have made since I was 21 was made with the help and support of my hubby. These two decisions are the first two major ones I have had to make on my own. The Lord has reminded me that it is called 'Growing Up Cindy and Trusting in ME'. I'm thankful for the opportunity to grow up these past couple of weeks. He has given me sweet peace in my choices and assured me of His constant presence in my life.
On another note, last week I was invited to join BlogHer Publishing Network and will process the necessary paperwork this week. I am truly excited about this and believe it will open a new door of opportunity for me. I will have the joy of doing some book and product reviews, as well as get to know other bloggers on a new level.
I do believe that I am coming out of the depths of dispair and beginning to re~enter the land of the living.
Thank you for allowing me to share my heart tonight.
Considering Growing Up with Joy,
Grieving is such a natural thing Cindy, and yet I cannot imagine having to go through what you have. I'm so glad you are feeling better! God is so good. And I bet you will agree with me that He is not just in the good times, but in the hard times as well.ReplyDelete
Congratulations on the "paid in full". I can't wait for the day I can say that!
Looking forward to hearing from you more and what you will be up to:)
Blessings to you!
So, so proud of you friend! Let's do lunch soon! LeeReplyDelete
Way to go!! You are doing so great and Congratulations on the Blog Her thing. I've wondered how others got that on their side bar.ReplyDelete
Keep it up!! One day at a time!