Today my heart hurts. But at 51 should I really have a hurting heart just because someone talked negatively about me to someone else? Should I really be so affected at all by words? Sticks and Stones and yes words hurt!
Today I want to crawl into a hole and cover myself up. Oh how sad to feel such hurt over a few misguided words. But unfortunately my defensive walls sprang up today and I felt ugly and sad at my reaction. Why do I care? What makes it hurt?
God, can you see my heart that wants so much to please YOU yet crumbles when it is criticized? I know Christian means to be Christ-like yet today I wasn't. I wanted to be, but I just wasn't. No, I didn't raise my voice or say anything, no retaliation, just sadness in my heart and a feeling of . Isn't that sin enough?
I wish I could say that I reflected your absolute love today but I cannot:( Discouragement filled my soul and I'm quite sure reflected in my image to all. How sad for opportunities missed today because I got my feelings hurt. How unimpressed You would be.
Your Word teaches me that ~ "He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6 ~ but today I feel like we are starting over at square one!!
An ugly word sneaks into my heart as I type: PRIDE!
- A man's pride brings him low ~ Pro 29:23a
- Patience is better than pride ~ Ecc 7:8a
- Pride goes before destruction ~ Pro 16:18a
- When pride comes, then comes disgrace ~ Pro 11:2a
- Pride only breeds quarrels ~ Pro 13:10a
I'm sure that pride has something to do with why I get so hurt if someone puts me down. I think all of us want people to like us but especially in a work setting where you not only want people to like you but respect you and the work you do. I want my employer and my coworkers to see what a good job I do and to be appreciative of that work. I certainly don't want them to disrespect me in any way.
Oh Lord, no matter how I share my heart with You, You always speak back. I suppose this is ultimately a pride issue, one that I need to be on my face about, one that needs repentance and forgiveness for, one lesson that I hope to not soon forget.
The back side of the previous scriptures share more truth:
- But a man of lowly spirit gains honor ~ Pro 29:23b
- But with humility comes wisdom ~ Pro 11:2b
- But wisdom is found in those who take advice ~ Pro 13:10b
I believe I will be seeking wisdom and advice over the next few days as I lay the brokenness of my heart in Your hands and the pride of my life at Your feet.
Considering Letters To God With Joy,
Cindy
Oh friend He is right there with you! HOlding you tight, He loves you and adores you!
ReplyDelete**big HUGS!!!!**
ReplyDeleteI'm afraid my reaction to such things can be the same so just know I understand. The main thing is that you recognize God's truth in the situation and that's what you've turned to. I took a few moments to pray for you!
ReplyDeleteYou don't know how much I needed to read this just yesterday I was feeling attacked at work and wanted to give up and walk away. I know the devil is testing me but now I know I feel so sad when this happenes because of my pride. Jesus was attacked and called names yet he remained calm, coll and collected. I need to be more like him and not allow these children of God at my work affect my mood or alter my day!! I will be praying for you!! Blessings, Ronel
ReplyDeleteCindy,
ReplyDeleteSo sorry that you are hurting! Sending big hugs your way!
Genny