Today my heart hurts. But at 51 should I really have a hurting heart just because someone talked negatively about me to someone else? Should I really be so affected at all by words? Sticks and Stones and yes words hurt!
Today I want to crawl into a hole and cover myself up. Oh how sad to feel such hurt over a few misguided words. But unfortunately my defensive walls sprang up today and I felt ugly and sad at my reaction. Why do I care? What makes it hurt?
God, can you see my heart that wants so much to please YOU yet crumbles when it is criticized? I know Christian means to be Christ-like yet today I wasn't. I wanted to be, but I just wasn't. No, I didn't raise my voice or say anything, no retaliation, just sadness in my heart and a feeling of . Isn't that sin enough?
I wish I could say that I reflected your absolute love today but I cannot:( Discouragement filled my soul and I'm quite sure reflected in my image to all. How sad for opportunities missed today because I got my feelings hurt. How unimpressed You would be.
Your Word teaches me that ~ "He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6 ~ but today I feel like we are starting over at square one!!
An ugly word sneaks into my heart as I type: PRIDE!
- A man's pride brings him low ~ Pro 29:23a
- Patience is better than pride ~ Ecc 7:8a
- Pride goes before destruction ~ Pro 16:18a
- When pride comes, then comes disgrace ~ Pro 11:2a
- Pride only breeds quarrels ~ Pro 13:10a
I'm sure that pride has something to do with why I get so hurt if someone puts me down. I think all of us want people to like us but especially in a work setting where you not only want people to like you but respect you and the work you do. I want my employer and my coworkers to see what a good job I do and to be appreciative of that work. I certainly don't want them to disrespect me in any way.
Oh Lord, no matter how I share my heart with You, You always speak back. I suppose this is ultimately a pride issue, one that I need to be on my face about, one that needs repentance and forgiveness for, one lesson that I hope to not soon forget.
The back side of the previous scriptures share more truth:
- But a man of lowly spirit gains honor ~ Pro 29:23b
- But with humility comes wisdom ~ Pro 11:2b
- But wisdom is found in those who take advice ~ Pro 13:10b
I believe I will be seeking wisdom and advice over the next few days as I lay the brokenness of my heart in Your hands and the pride of my life at Your feet.
Considering Letters To God With Joy,