Sitting in this lonely chair in front of an open door yet closed off to the world, I wonder.
As I am feeling the coolness of a beautiful fall mornings' air, seeing the beauty in the peach colored roses that adorn the walkway and hear the sounds of birds happily carrying out their morning chores, I wonder. I smell the fragrance as the breeze flows across nature's blooms and enters the doorway, something is calling me to leave this lonely chair and join in falls delight.
But I'm afraid; there is safety in this fear, yet loneliness too. Have I held myself captive in this place so long that I find comfort in it? It is easy, simple and safe. Yet, there is a voice whispering my name and calling me from the outside while something inside is struggling to get out. What choice will I make? Today is the day.
There appears to be freedom and joy just beyond the door but what danger lies out there? I yearn to have joy, peace and the freedom of life. As I sit here, with every breath I desire to breathe in all of the sensations that are now just beyond my grasp. Pushing through the fear I stand. As if in slow motion I place one foot in front of the other and hesitantly walk toward the door. It is still safe, for the screen is closed and I continue to be protected. But I know it is now or never that I make the choice.
With quivering hands I reach for the screen door handle. Fear~! Turn the handle, open the door, breathe, Cindy, Breathe! My unsteady foot began to move forward, my heart beating strongly, my body trembling with uncertainty at the first step, off the threshold as if for the first time.
And now I stand, rejoicing in the beauty of God's creation, just beyond what moments before was safety. Looking back I know I will never return from where I came. There is such peace in this place, such comfort, such trust. Why have I hidden my heart from God with such passion? Today, it doesn't matter, because today HE HAS IT!
The passion I have used to protect myself has just multiplied and been transformed as God was given the key to the lock of my heart when I Opened The Door!
Considering It All Joy,