What happened? Is this what was planned? Where did the time go? Is there any more to life? These and others are the questions I have found myself thinking and asking in the days leading up to my 50th birthday. It's not the way I intended to spend the time before the BIG day.
I intended to take a trip to the Grand Canyon: But busy schedules have put it on the back burner.
I intended to learn to play golf (I have lived in AZ for 14 years): But my fear of being made fun of has stopped me from trying.
I intended to loose more weight and be my healthiest by 50: But I have responded to the call from pizza and ice cream too many times.
I intended to write a book: But I never seem to be able to sit long enough to put words to paper.
I intended to have my naval pierced: Don't even ask!
I intended to ... well, you get the point!
Instead I have been spending time in reflective moments.
I reflect on life as I spend countless hours viewing mindless television.
I reflect on life as I spend countless hours reading other peoples blogs about how wonderful their lives are.
I reflect on life as I spend time view pictures of vacations other people have taken knowing I have not had a real vacation in more than 19 years. I REALLY need a vacation!!!
I reflect on a 27 year marriage with joy and sadness as I watch my husbands' illness eat away at his body.
I reflect on the joys and trials of raising a very special child and wonder if he will ever live independently and what will happen when I have gone to meet Jesus face to face.
I reflect on the errors I have made and how they have affected the BIG picture of my life.
I reflect and wonder about change and seasons and despair and hope.
I reflect on a life of nearly 50 years and wonder if this is all there is. Can God still use this vessel for His Glory? Or, is it too late and I've wasted my life?
I reflect and wonder if my creator is pleased with this life or disappointed that I too am a procrastinator and have allowed fear to stop me from the intendeds in my life.
And then I reflect on God's Word:
"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?" Isaiah 43: 18-19
A new thing? Is God doing a new thing in me? Yes!
My husband and son and I have become members of a new and wonderful church this year.
I have accepted the Director of Women's Ministries position at our church this past month.
I have been accepted to do a book review in October - Watch for details! I will be reviewing a new book, Churched by Matthew Turner, and offering a copy on my blog between October 13-17.
I have been invited to be a guest writer on Slurping Life on November 21.
This blog has brought so many wonderful new friends into my life and I am grateful for each one of you who have stopped by and read a post. I especially love reading your comments and visiting your blogs in an attempt to get to know you.
I don't have any idea of what the future holds for my life. What I do know is that I Serve and Love a mighty and powerful God who never changes but is always bringing change in me.
If you actually stuck with this lengthy post: please leave a comment so I can get to know you. My desire to blog is not just about writing stuff but about meeting people from all over the world and hearing your stories of facing life while considering it all joy.
I am so blessed!
Considering It All Joy!