Wednesday, September 18, 2013

1000 Days

1000 days of not seeing your face, hearing your voice or feeling your touch

1000 sleepless nights, lonely days and empty chairs

1000 times I've yearned to include you in a conversation, share my deepest heartaches and my greatest joys

1000 times I've cried and come to realize, that it's really okay

1000 days to awake and be grateful for the 10,814 days we were married, shared life and dreamed dreams together

1000 nights to pray and contemplate what life is like in heaven, to be drawn closer to my Savior because I know you are there, and find contentment in this day because He chose to give me breath

1000 evenings I've looked to the skies and attempted to figure out heaven, it's vastness, it's beauty, it's purpose and it's location in comparison to the stars, moons, suns and planets

There is no 'figuring it out' however, not this side of heaven, yet I'm drawn to wonder, because it's now your home

1000 days you've looked into the face of Jesus

1000 nights you've worshiped in His Holy presence

One day is like one thousand years to the Lord, could it be that you have been in heaven for 1,000,000 years, a concept impossible for my mind to grasp

1000 moments I've wondered whom you have met.  The hero's of scripture, Abraham, David, Paul, Timothy, Joseph and the hundreds who have gone before us

What conversations you have cherished, I can only imagine 

1000 days we've attempted to live out your legacy, to encourage, greet and love others the way you taught us to

We are all 1000 days older, your boys, grown men

K-Bug, such a delightful, gentle and compassionate young girl

K-Bel, so much like her daddy, you would adore her energy and spunk

K-Baby, you've never met, but what a treasured gift she has been

So much has happened in our 1000 days, you never knew I got braces, or that my mom had a stroke, or that M was hospitalized a couple of times. You never heard our littlest K's talk or saw them walk or run or play

You didn't see me replace the garbage disposal or the reservoir in the car, or fix a leaking toilet. You weren't there when I bought a new car alone, or paid off the house, or buried your remains under your cactus on your mom's property

God says there are no tears or sorrows in heaven, so I don't believe you've known our grief, our pain or our loneliness. But I wonder if you've been able to catch a glimpse of the joyful events in our lives. The births, the parties, and the successes we've witnessed. The moments when God answered gut wrenching prayers with perfect timing, the times when we've laughed at memories of you or when the boys have verbalized "If dad could only see you (me) now". Oh how they laugh at some of my antics and the ways I face challenges these days without you

1000 days we've walked in God's grace and mercy and faithfulness

1000 times we have faced difficult choices, physical trauma's, and felt the agony of defeat, yet and still, 1000 times we have been lifted by our creator, embraced by his love, conquered our fears and forged on to victory

You would be proud of our 1000 days; sure, we've had our share of falters, missteps and stumbles. We've grumbled, stomped our feet and pounded the walls, we've cried, yelled and shouted at God

But you would still be proud, for you left a family stronger for having had you lead us, guide us and love us. You encouraged us in the Word, the Lord and taught us to serve God. You prayed for us, believed in us and supported our dreams

AT 1000 days we are beginning to dream again, to serve again and live again, without you, yes, but also because of you

Your 1000 days looks very different from our 1000 days, but I'm thankful for them all, each side of heaven, none the less. For it is in these 1000 days that our hearts have been changed, our spirits challenged and our lives transformed

1000 days, God Blessed them ALL........


  1. Dear, dear Cindy ~ May God's blessings continue to surround you. My heart aches for your loss, tears have filled my eyes, but, there is joy in my heart in knowing your dear husband is with Jesus.

    It would be wonderful to 'know' what our husbands are doing, can they see us, do they know what we are going through. I think they are 'part' of the 'cloud of witnesses' watching as we take each step of our journey without them, by faith. Trusting in Jesus to be our guide, be our husband, and to work all things out.

    That's my humble 2 cents worth anyway.

    Love and hugs ~ FlowerLady

  2. Cindy....what you have written is beautiful....and the Lord has brought you through the 1000 days and will continue to bring you through your journey until that wonderful day arrives when you you are taken up into heaven to be with your husband and the Lord.

    I enjoy reading your blog.

    Love and blessings

  3. I never knew your husband but he must have been a blessing from above because you surely are.

  4. This is so beautiful, Cindy. I haven't realized your kind of loss, but your words make me feel I have some insight into what that might be like, and makes me realize (even more than I already do) how much I have to be thankful for. Have you ever considered writing a book about loss, coping and remembering? Maybe an e-Book? I think you could share so much with others who are just barely "coping."


  5. I cannot reply to your emails directly because it's a NoReply, so I'll have to do it here. I wanted to let you know that our Power Ranch neighborhood is having a huge garage sale on Saturday. I don't know if you are anywhere close to us, but I did remember that you like going to garage sales. We are putting out a few things (we haven't participated before), mostly just junk, but thought it was an easy way to maybe get rid of some stuff. Anyway, if you find yourself in our area, we are in the Vineyards just off Germann & Autumn on Rainbow, pop in and say "Hi!" I know there will be something in the paper with a map, but we procrastinated and didn't get in the publication -- not everyone does.


Hi Friend, I read and cherish every single comment you leave! You bring Joy to my heart! Blessings, Cindy