Friday, October 8, 2010

Just For Tonight!

Just for tonight I wish I could wake up from this 30 day nightmare and make it all go away

Just for tonight I wish I had someone to hold me and tell me it is going to be okay.

Just for tonight I wish I didn't have to worry that in 53 short days we will no longer have medical insurance.

Just for tonight I wish I didn't know that we have racked up nearly $500.000.00 in medical bills this summer with no end in sight.

Just for tonight I wish that ice cream and Reese's peanut butter cups didn't have any calories and that my tummy didn't fight back when I ate them.

Just for tonight I wish that son #2 didn't have to change his life so much because of his daddy's illness.

Just for tonight I wish I could walk in my bedroom and see my hubby sitting there.

Just for tonight I wish we had answers instead of questions.

Just for tonight I wish I could have used my PTO for a real vacation at the beach (did you know how much I LOVE the beach?)

Just for tonight I wish that I would have been able to spend more time with my newest grandbaby before she got so big.

Just for tonight I wish life was fair.

Just for tonight I wish................

But since wishes are not reality and life really isn't fair sometimes I must accept my new normal and this life as it is.

The reality is that life has changed for all of us inside these walls, hubby has been hospitalized for 30 days, I don't have anyone here to hold me, there is a HUGE stack of medical bills on my desk, we will NOT have medical insurance 53 days from now, son #2 has had to change his daily life, I haven't had much time to hold my little K-bel or K-bug, PTO has been used for hospital trips instead of beach trips, there are still more questions than answers AND Ice Cream has Way too many calories...but I think I'll have some anyway.

Update: Mark is recovering ok from surgery, however, he has not been able to come off the oxygen mask therefore he is still in CVICU, still has cath and 2 chest tubes plus pic line. He weights only about 105 pounds and has no appetite, his WBC has gone up over 25. (which is Very high), his albumin remains at 1.6 (Very low), no protein stores, and though we are grateful he made it through surgery, he continues to be a Very sick man.

Update on me: HaHaHa - you only thought I'd tell you:)

I will leave you tonight with this song. One of my favorites and one

No matter what I face or what storm chases me, I WILL PRAISE THE LORD!!!

Considering It All Joy, Cindy


  1. I'll be home Monday night...LeeBird hugs available night or day!

    Love you and praying for you tonight.

  2. I love that song - it got me through some rough days after my son died 4 years ago. Hang in there!

    "Held" by Natalie Grant and "Blessed be the Name" by Rebekah St. James (or several other artists) are also good. Kari Jobe has a new song "No Matter What" that also is comforting in those "Why me and mine" moments.

    He is big enough to shoulder not only our burdens but also our questions. We need not understand His ways or plans in order to trust His heart.


  3. I don't know what I can say to encourage you other than to let you know I am praying. I don't take that lightly but I wish I could do more to ease the burden.

    Be blessed by the Lord's presence.

  4. Hang in there, friend. Still praying and will continue praying. Keep praising him in this storm! And BELIEVE every tear you cry, He holds in His hands. Love you.

  5. Sometimes it seems as if we're given more than we can handle. But God is faithful in loving and caring for us, even though we can't always understand or feel it. Praying for you and your husband. The song, Come to Jesus, by Chris Rice is a real comfort to me in times of stress.


Hi Friend, I read and cherish every single comment you leave! You bring Joy to my heart! Blessings, Cindy