Friday, January 21, 2011

If At First...



I'm quite sure you have heard the saying: "If at first you don't succeed try, try again"

Well, I believe something similar will become a mantra for me over the next year as I will face many firsts in this new 'normal' in which God has placed me.

There are so many things that I will have to face for the first time alone and without my life partner. As the numbness wares off I will begin to recognize those firsts like sleeping alone, going to church, watching a certain program, facing birthdays, holidays and family events. These are the things I am dreading and find myself wanting to just retreat from life. Yet I read the following words and hear God speak to my heart.

Soon after our Lord and Savior was crucified scripture gives us these words:

"On the evening of that first day of the week, when the disciples were together, with the doors locked for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood among them and said, 'Peace be with you!'" John 20:19

You see, after Jesus was gone, the disciples became filled with fear! In fact, they were so fearful they locked themselves behind closed doors! The possibilities of their fear are numerous, many say they feared the Jews, possibly fear of their own mortality now that their leader was gone...you can go on and on but the point is that they were fearful.

When Jesus rose from His grave He came to those whom he had lived with and loved for several years and His first words were: Peace be with you! Can you imagine the confusion and Joy in which those disciples must have felt at that moment? It is possible that part of them were questioning whether this was truly Jesus and part of them wanting to rejoice in His presence.

Today marks the 4 week point since my hubby's passing and I must admit there have been many moments when I have become filled with fear. Retreating to my bed under the covers has been a daily thought! Hibernation sounds great! Turning off the lights and phones seems all too comforting just now.

Yet in the words that Jesus spoke to His disciples all those 2000+ years ago...I find HOPE!!

A Hope that I do not have to live in fear and that I am not alone in my weakness. Because believe me friends, I. AM. WEAK!!!!

Yet, in my weakness He is strong!! For that I am truly grateful!

So, if at first I don't succeed in my grieving process, I will try again until I am trusting in my God to do it with me!

Considering God's Presence and Peace with Joy,
Cindy

14 comments:

  1. Cindy

    Thank you so much for your comment and visit today to my blog.

    I've taken some time today to visit your blog. I am truly sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine what you are going through. My heart is so sad over your loss and I know your family is devastated. This tragedy is beyond our understanding. I know you find comfort in knowing that he is in heaven with Jesus, but your earthly heart is broken. Know that there are a lot of us praying for you and your family at this time.

    Keep the faith and remember that God holds you in his hands. You are NEVER alone.

    Hugs,
    Kat

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  2. just checking on you today:) Praying for you!

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  3. Oh Cindy, I'm sure it is so hard for you at this time. Your heart must be hurting. Yes, you are comforted knowing that you WILL see him again but in the meantime, there's such a loss. May the Lord comfort you as only He can do. And may He bless you.

    Blessings and love,
    Debbie

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  4. I've been praying for you and am sorry for your loss. I know God will lead you through the tough days ahead but I'm sorry for the pain in the meantime. I'm praying for Him to sustain you in every way.

    Warm thoughts and hugs,

    Cindy

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  5. Cindy - still praying for you daily my friend. I know that your heart is comforted by the fact that your husband is in glory with our Lord, but i know you are grieving over your loss. Cling to Him! He will never let you go.

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  6. Dear Cindy,
    Remaining in prayer for you and your family. You have such a beautiful spirit and tender heart. May God give you peace, comfort, and guidance as you grieve your unimaginable loss.
    With Love,
    Stacy

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  7. Peace to you as you lay your weary head down this night to rest. Thinking of you; prayers as well.

    ~elaine

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  8. Dear Cindy,
    Fear and hope are both recurring themes as I begin my journey without James. I, too, think we were meant to meet and comfort one another. Our husbands died within 2 days of one another so we are experiencing many of the same thoughts and emotions.

    Yesterday I cleaned out James' truck. His son wants the truck, but as of yet, I've not been emotionally ready to let it go. While I had no problem throwing away old receipts for hay and deer food, other items touched me deeply like the pieces of flint he'd found in the dirt or a small tine from the rack of a young buck. James' Comanche heritage gave him an appreciation for all things in nature, as well as an unfinished arrowhead, discarded because it wasn't perfect.

    While I'm not sure the grief class is helping, it is showing me what I don't want for myself:clinging to this pain. I hope you'll consider finding a similar class, the funeral home could probably advise you, or getting involved in something that takes you outside yourself.

    You are in my prayers, as I know I am in yours.

    Love,
    Brenda

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  9. Thinking of you tonight and hope you're doing better every day. Hang in there. You are not alone.

    Hugs,
    Kat

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  10. Dearest Cindy, Words can not even begin to express my heart to you during these endless days with out your beloved but I know His grace will carry you through. I echo the prayers of many for you during this time of loneliness and I thank you for sharing your heart because it always makes me grateful for each day with my hubby. Huge Jesus hugs to you tonight.
    With love & prayers, Noreen

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  11. Love you, Cindy, and praying for you. Awesome post.

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  12. You were on my mind today, Cindy. I'm so glad to read this...to feel the hope you speak of. Praying for you, sweet friend.

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  13. I've been thinking about you a lot lately and hoping that you're doing OK. I just saw your comment on Lee's page - please do get another bucket list. Just think about all the things you can tell Mark you've done in heaven! I'll keep you in my prayers Cindy. xo

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Hi Friend, I read and cherish every single comment you leave! You bring Joy to my heart! Blessings, Cindy