I would be untruthful if I told you that I am doing well these days and weeks after Mark's death. I would also be untruthful if I told you it was easy to go to church and worship my creator. Truth be told, it is unbelievably difficult to do such! Spending time in church, attempting to plaster on a smile and make like everything is ok is hard enough, but singing and lifting my hands in praise and worship of my creator just now is nearly impossible.
In these painful days every movement needs to be thought out and forcibly made. Nothing comes naturally anymore. Every function is a chore! Some days are a little easier than others, but each is painfully hard.
Today was no different! In fact the migraine that consumed my head caused me near embarrassment in the grocery store as I had to sit down and ask my son to go get medication for me and a cup of water. I was sweaty, pale as a ghost and ready to puke my guts out! Fortunately, I was able to calm down, get the pain under some control and make it home before I passed out!
However, I have to admit that God is giving me moments to cherish and today I also had one of those! During worship service at church today, in my attempt to move beyond my feelings and worship God, I received a sweet vision of my hubby. No, I didn't see anything real; it was just a picture in my head, a knowing in my spirit!
The Lord helped to remind me that we are all created to Worship Him! And on this particular morning He showed me how my Mark is standing before God Himself Worshiping! How precious was that picture! My hubby, no pain, no weakness, no inhibitions, standing before His Creator with arms lifted higher than life itself, just worshiping! For just a few moments today, I was able to lift my hands in praise and worship with no pain, no weakness, no inhibitions and Worship my Creator too!
It felt Great!
He Worships ... and so shall I!
Considering Worship With Hope,