Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Didn't You Know???

Didn't you know how terribly sad I would be when you died?

Didn't you know that I would wonder why you didn't tell me so I could hold your hand as you met Jesus face to face?

Didn't you know how hard the days and nights would become for us?

Didn't you know how much you would be missed?

Didn't you know, as you lay there alone that morning, how that would haunt me for the rest of my life? I so would have held your hand and told you how much I love you!

Didn't you know how many tears would be shed in your absence?

Didn't you know that Everything would change?

Didn't you know that I could never again watch football, Nascar, Barrett/Jackson, or bull-riding without melting into a ball of tears?

Didn't you know that when I looked at Farmville it just would never hold the same crazy appeal it used to because you were not on the other side sending me gifts or funny notes?

Didn't you know how hard it would be for your family to walk in to church and raise their hands in praise to our God when you were gone?

Didn't you know that even the smallest tasks would become overwhelming, making them nearly impossible to complete?

Didn't you know the loneliness we would each feel?

Didn't you know how hard it was going to be to prepare for another horse show? I can't imagine yet we have to prepare for the next one in February.

Didn't you know how much I wanted you to be a part of your granddaughter's lives? It makes me so sad to think they won't know their Papa!

Didn't you know that I would want to scream my head off but can only cry?

Mark, didn't you know how much I loved you and how much I would miss you and how sad I am that you didn't tell me you were dying? I wanted to be with you!!! Why didn't you tell me?? WHY??????

Didn't You Know ???


  1. Oh dear friend... I'm so, so sorry!

  2. Lord, please hold Cindy close as she goes through the valley of grief. She needs you more than ever.

  3. Dear Cindy,
    I haven't been in the world of blogging in a while and was doing some backtracking on precious ones, like you, who have been such a blessing and encouragement to me through this virtual world.

    I sit here with tears streaming down my face, wishing I could just simply sit with you and be/do/say whatever you would need.

    They say that all things are bigger in Texas so I am sending one of the largest hugs around straight to your broken heart.

    I am so saddened by the loss of your precious Mark. Please know that you are being held close in thought and prayer. There are no words to offer except that you are so loved and I would be honored to “be here” for you in any way that may help.
    With Love in Christ,

  4. I came over from Elaine's place and I feel like I just walked in on a very personal conversation. Just want to say how sorry I am. Take all the time you need. God bless you sister.

  5. Praying for you my friend. I am sorry.
    I am truly sorry. I know that are no words that can take the hurt away.
    You will be in my prayers always.

  6. Cindy:

    I saw your comments at Elaine's blog and came over here. Your words have touched me so, and how very new your pain and grief still is. I have no words, but I am lifting you up right now, and praying for God's arms to hold you close.
    What wonderful tributes you have voiced to your hubby, and how proud he would be to have heard the way your heart expressed it.

    Blessings and prayers,


  7. Oh Cindy....I am so sorry for your grief but glad you are getting your feelings out in this way. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Praying for good days and good memories to keep you strong during this time.


  8. Came over from Elaine's blog. It is my first time here.

    Glad I came by - what a gentle ending to a beautiful love story.

    Your recent posts touched my heart.

    I too know how it feels.

    Just wanted to let you know I dropped by.


  9. I found you at "Elaine's" blog....

    I am so sorry for your loss...my heart hurts for you as I read your post.....

    I don't know what you are going through..I've never lost a hubby, a soulmate. I did lose my sweet precious little mother last May who lived with me. And still the grief is ever present.

    Bless you, my friend! Praying God will just hold you tightly....


  10. Cindy...

    I wanted to share a blog site with you... a woman who lost her husband around the same time you did. She's a breast cancer survivor and has written stirring posts since her husband's passing. I think it would be an encouragement to you.


    I love you, friend.


  11. My Dear Cindy, I'm sorry you've been devastated like I have. I've read your posts and your words are my words. This is the hardest thing we will ever do: survive the deaths of our precious husbands. I, too, am haunted that I was not there when James died. I am trying so hard to find my way. It's what James would expect; it's what God expects of me. I pray God holds both of our families in the palm of His hand and gives us strength. XOXOX, Brenda Coffee, BreastCancerSisterhood.com

  12. wow is all i can say. u r beautiful.


Hi Friend, I read and cherish every single comment you leave! You bring Joy to my heart! Blessings, Cindy