Tuesday, December 11, 2018

This Year of Letting Go




It was a purposeful choice to NOT
Pick a 2018 Word of The Year
I didn't want to focus on one area of growth
I just wanted God to lead my year

Looking back, I kind of wish I had chosen a word
It is possible my year would have unfolded differently
However, Because I know God
I believe it was HIS plan to have me 
Pass on a word for this year

Had I known how the year would unravel
I may have set aside HIS plan
And set out on an adventure of my own choosing
Yet, and still, HIS plan prevailed 

Today, I will share a timeline of what 
Would have possibly been my 2018 Word
Since Letting Go is not a single word
I'd have to go with:  RELEASE

The first inkling of change came on February 3rd
I packed up and moved my youngest son to a group home
At 32 it was time for him to experience life in a new way
It's been a challenge for both of us
However, we are 10 months in
I see him every weekend for dinner
And we are surviving




Change continued only 1 week later
When my oldest son moved to Texas
To start a new job


There goes another U-Haul
Sent away with HUGS
And tear~filled farewells
From mom, his wife and three daughters

March 31, 2018
The Shop "Tillie's Attic"
Where I enjoyed a fun business venture
And grew in my creative niche: Closed!!


It seemed, at the time, I was losing everything I loved


Until, of course, the next step of Letting Go 
Literally took me to my knees


My son came back for his little family
Texas or Bust her sign reads 
To Texas they went


Little did I know that I would follow
A day later to sign papers for the house I bought them
So happy I was able to see their new home
And give them all more great big {{{HUGS}}}


In August was my brothers family's turn to load a U-Haul
He had been working in Texas for nearly a year
Commuting every weekend
Although we hated to see them leave
His wife and kids were thrilled to finally 
Be together again



Then came the surprise of all surprises
In October mom went to Texas for a little visit
She wanted to see the RV Park my brother's family purchased
And get a feel for where so many of our family members
Had ventured off to

Well, a week into her 'visit' 
My sister and I received a call 
We were NOT waiting for
Mom decided to Move to Texas

My sister and I spent the next couple of weeks
Cleaning and packing moms home
Putting it up for sale 
And preparing her move


Her little place in now and the market


And on December 1st
Here belongings headed for Texas

I'm not over the leaving of my kids and grands
Now my brother, his family and my mom
Are all off on their own adventures

In the midst of all these transitions
We lost 2 wonderful family members
My mom's SIL - Aunt Loretta
My SIL's mom - Cora
We miss them terribly
And are sad to have lost them to eternity
Although, They are eternally Happy

This has been a year of letting go and sorrow
YET,
It is not over

What is, I believe and pray,
The final loss of 2018 is only weeks away
But already in progress

I've held this knowledge for nearly 2 years
I've been keeping a secret until the timing was right
Not my timing, of course
But the timing for the person whose 
Decision will change my life


My boss, of nearly 12 years
Has sold her Pediatric Practice
Although I have known every step of the process
She has finally told the staff and patients
She is phasing out and the new owners will 
Take over December 31, 2018

I will remain employed
My job will change
(honestly, I'm not positive what I will be doing)
My salary will decrease about 30%
My heart is breaking
I do have bouts of fear and depression
I'm 60 and don't quite know what to do

God is My Source
My Refuge
My Provision
My Peace

However, being a widow 
With such a year of great loss and change
I'm, quite frankly, feeling overwhelmed

Many days I get home from work
Head straight to bed
Struggling to sleep
Forcing myself to get up in the morning
Only to do it all again
All the while, just wanting
To sleep it all away

I haven't even put out a Christmas Tree
Or one single decoration 

Well, that's spill the beans
Those are just the major losses 
For 2018
Can't even talk about daily life ~~~

I think I may just choose a Word for 2019
Hmmm...
What shall it be?









11 comments:

  1. Perseverance. Through everything...persevere.

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  2. May God continue to hold you close and love you. I once heard a challeng. Each day take a moment to wrap your arms around yourself, close your eyes, and imagine that's God holding you. Love you dear friend. Take care.

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  3. Dear Cindy, lifting you up to our Lord this morning as I read your post. It seems that we are stronger than we think. There is one thing I do know and that is the Lord is ALWAYS on time with everything and for a reason. I can't imagine all that you have been through this year and nor do I to be honest. But when God stretches us through the different seasons of life I know in the depths of my heart though I do not understand....that it's for His Glory and our good. Praying for you this morning. May you feel the Joy of the Lord. Hugs and blessings, Cindy

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  4. Dear, dear Cindy ~ what a year of releasing you have had and now this final one. I'm thankful for you that you still have a job. I lost mine about 3 years ago and haven't found another one and I'll be 70 in March.

    We don't know what God has in His plan for us, but we do know He has a plan and He is working all things out.

    'Trust' is something I am doing daily as I'm sure you are doing also.

    Love, hugs & prayers ~ FlowerLady

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  5. Hi! Changes can be so difficult and seem impossible to get through. But all I can think of while reading this is that God may be leading you to Texas! It's a wonderful place! I lived there for 35 years!

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  6. Wow Cindy you are one of the strongest women I know. To endure all of this loss in one year is incredibly overwhelming to say the least. It has been so hard for you with coming home to go to sleep and trying hard to pull yourself up for another day. The fact you can do that shows deep inside you have the strength. The good news is God always has the plan for us and sometimes it takes all we have to be patient and let it unfold. These times as the plan is unfolding can be the hardest. Just keep believing you will go to a better place soon. Maybe with your doctor friend selling the practice is the first step for you to start to look for a new job or to retire early and join your family in Texas. Time will tell and your heart and faith it will unfold.
    Hang in there. It is a new year soon and maybe it will be your year to follow a new path.
    Hugs,
    Kris

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  7. RENEWAL! That is your word for 2019. Your strength and ability to go on day to day in the midst of all the loss will take you into the new year with a renewed spirit and abundant blessings awaiting.

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  8. It has been a very hard year but there is much to look forward too. Hang in there.

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  9. Cindy, I'm so glad I found you again. I lost my blog and then I found it but because I am not the administrator of my own blog, I can't post. So I started a new one, but lost all my contacts. My story has been one of starting over this year, but God gave me the word TRUST and it has been a year of trusting. I knew when I heard the Word that I was in for a ride.
    I'm so very sorry for all your loss. You remember after I had a few years to deal with the loss of my parents and everyone was in Nashville, I moved to Nashville. So....maybe you'll soon be in Texas. Maybe? We could pray about that. So glad I found you. Will certainly be catching up.

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Hi Friend, I read and cherish every single comment you leave! You bring Joy to my heart! Blessings, Cindy