Monday, May 28, 2012

He Rides Again

If you have read my blog for any length of time
You know that Matthew LOVES to ride horses

He's taken English Style lessons for several years
And became very good at riding and showing
He has many ribbons, trophies and even a few
Championships to show for it

You also may know that Mark was predominately
The one who took Matthew to those lessons
And worked around The Barn to help pay for it all

Since losing Mark I have struggled with getting
Matthew to lessons and even changed barns
For a period of time due to the tremendous pain

Recently I 'GAVE' and decided to take Matthew
Back to the old Barn because all of his
Memories and Love for the sport are there

Here are a few photos from today

Some times you've got to
"Suck It Up Buttercup"
~~~As my brother says~~~
And just Do what you have to Do

Love You Matthew

Saturday, May 26, 2012

I Never Thought

I never thought I would have to deal
With any of these types of devices

I have lived in my home for more than 17 years
And have NEVER seen any evidence of
The types of creatures that these are used for

That is until a couple of weeks ago
My oldest son and I went out to the shed
To gather a few tools
When we found 'Evidence'


So tonight
I carefully baited, set and placed the items
In just the right places

I wish my neighbors would take care of their fruit trees
If they did
I wouldn't have
Roof Rats to deal with

The shed is being demolished in a couple weeks

Wish me luck
I'd still like to have fingers after setting the 'items'

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Time Does Not Stand Still

This is my Beautiful K~Bug
August 2009 on her first day of Kindergarten
 This is my Beautiful K~Bug
May 2012 on her last day of 2nd grade
Where does the time go
 I'm so thankful that she invited me to her
Camp Learned A Lot End of Year Party
Where the kids celebrated
While making Smores
 Worked on Craft Projects
 Played fun camping/bug games
 And sang songs around the campfire
I Love my Beautiful K~Bug
And am SO Grateful that I am blessed
To have her living close enough to have a
Special relationship with her

But I Cannot Believe she's going to 3rd Grade
Phew...Where does the time go

Sunday, May 20, 2012

So Sorry...

After an extremely rough and emotionally draining week

I have suffered a major set back in my forward progress

Hope to be blogging again soon

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

I Think He Would Be Proud

Taken at Phoenix International Raceway

In the 16 months since my husband's passing the wedding anniversary has become one of the most difficult dates to go through.  I wonder if it is because little girls dream about their wedding day their entire growing up years and then when it happens, and it is awesome, they remember it as one of the most precious and life changing days of their lives.

I loved our wedding day!  We lived in the mountains on the eastern side of the Sierras, just southeast of Lake Tahoe, CA.  I awoke to snow and panic! We planned to married in the old Methodist Church in Bodie, California, which is now a State Park.  We had special permits, numerous guest who would brave the 13-mile dirt road trip and excitement galore.  Snow was not in the plans. Yet, we journeyed on, faced the few inches and only a few people (who decided to take the back road), didn't make it to the church on time.

The guests couldn't sit on the dusty pew benches for fear it would disturb the 'natural' look, it was freezing cold, my niece (only 7 months old) cried through the entire ceremony (but now we say she sang because), the musician didn't show up, my dress got stuck on an old rusty nail, my hat/veil went flying when Mark kissed me :), my dad thought he needed to be in ALL of the groom/groomsmen photos, we forgot the flowers at the church when we went back to town for the reception, we got a fix it ticket on the way to Tahoe, it was 'that time of the month', and IT. WAS. WONDERFUL!!!

It was the day I began my nearly 30-year marriage to my Bestest Friend and Soul Mate.  It was 31 years ago today!  I've been doing well but have to admit that I woke up a bit fragile today!  I wanted so much to wake up this morning and feel his touch, look into his eyes, and hear his voice! But, that must wait until the day Jesus decides to call my name home.

Today, I think my Mark would be proud of my progress, my strength and me.  Or, should I say, the strength the Lord has given me in the months since Mark's passing.  I have replaced a garbage disposal and a kitchen faucet. I have replaced the overflow tank in my Malibu.  I have thatched and seeded the back yard and watched a beautiful lawn grow.  I have been able to keep up with the pool (tough job though), have been able to do a couple of painting projects, as well as landscaping and maintenance around The Place.

I've worked tirelessly in regards to our finances and stewardship, have paid off the house, purchased a new car all by myself, adjusted my expenses to meet my smaller income, and continue to set aside $$ for emergencies as well as retirement (LOL).

My spiritual and emotional state has gone through strength training as well. I've had to make some extremely tough decisions in recent months regarding both. Mark would be sad that I had to make them, but oh, so proud of how I have done so and the peace God has given me in those choices.

Physically, well, that is where I have struggled the most. But I'm working on that part and I think he would be proud as well.

You may have read my 'Laundry List' of things that still need tending to around The Place but I'm working on it day by day.

Yes, I think My Mark would be Proud of his Bride! And Yes...I still miss him everyday! 

Happy Anniversary Mark! Here's to the Blessing of 30+ years together and God's Faithful Hand Guiding Us Through It All. 

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

The Laundry List

Do you have a forever~growing list?
Not just the laundry but a laundry list!
The list that seems to never end, just like the laundry!

I have one, or two, or three, or more!
I don't know how many really, because I write them and then lose them.

Today, I will blog it!
My laundry list, and maybe, just maybe, I will accomplish something on my list, before it gets lost.

Are you ready?

1. Tear down metal shed, remove wood floor.
2. Tear down playhouse.
3. Cut all trees that overhang my yard from the neighboring yards.
4. Reseed and plant summer lawn.
5. Clean side yard (Andrew, I need your help)
6. Build patio cover of some sort.
7. Build new playhouse (or buy)
8. Buy new shed, only large enough for yard tools, lawn mower, etc.
9. Weed and clean up front yard, plants???
10. Master bath needs baseboards replaced.
11. Guest bath needs baseboards replaced.
12. Clean, paint and decorate laundry room.
13. Office needs an overhaul.
14. Continue to go through Mark's belongings, tools, garage, and shed stuff.
15. Reduce book collection (whatever)
16. New carpets/flooring in 3 bedrooms.
17. Dust and clean all (5) ceiling fans.
18. Get ready for yard sale June 2.
19. Sale or donate Malibu.
20. Talk with A about the 'truck'.
21. Memorial garden.
22. Mark's remains (deal with it)
23. All outside door handles need to be replaced or painted.
24. Paint house, outside.
25. Hem living room shears (because they have been pinned for 5 years)
26. Paint and redo hallway photos
27. Decor project, Monograms for LR
28. Finish pink book.
29. Start December daily 2011.
30. Replace weather stripping on all three outside doors.
31. Replace molding on both garage doors.
32. Clean/de~clutter LR, Kitchen.
33. Learn how to play video games with M, instead of just watching him.
34. Swim a LOT this summer.
35. Recover or replace patio chairs.
36. Clean BBQ and fill both propane tanks.
37. Take a Vacation, (yeah right, like that will ever happen :))
38. Oh yeah, work full-time, cook, clean, do the laundry, and play with those beautiful grandbabies.
39. Loose weight
40. Call your brother and see what he would charge to do above list - LOL

OK, so I feel like that is a good start to my summer list.
What about you? What do you have planned to accomplish and cross of your laundry list?

Sunday, May 13, 2012

What Mother's Day is all About, For Me...

So much is different in this life with My Mark
Each Special Occasion becomes a challenge
Learning to make new memories has become a priority
And this weekend was no different
 I was happy to spend several hours with my
Mom and sister on Saturday
 And then enjoy some swim time with some special "littles"
Like my niece and nephew
5 of my sister's and my many grandchildren
 1 handsome son
And of course
Our new precious K~Baby

Happy Mother's Day To All

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Weight Loss Wednesday


In geology and earth science, a plateau, also called a height plain or tableland, is an area of highland, usually consisting of relatively flat terrain.

In weight loss it is a area of the scale that also flat lines and is called Frustration. HA

In the photo above you can see the plateau areas surrounding the Grand Canyon.  We took this trip for my 50th birthday a few years ago.  I cannot believe I actually went out and stood on that cliff, I am so afraid of heights, yet I trusted Mark so much. 

I must learn to trust the Lord just as much. Learning to look to Him for my stability in life as well as my grief walk has been challenging but important.  I must also learn to trust Him in my health walk as well.  I've realized in recent months that I put a large portion of my trust in Mark which allowed me to lessen my trust in my Savior.  Don't get me wrong, I trust God with everything I am, yet, it was easy to find security in my Mark.

Now, it really is God and me!  In looking at this photo I see that there truly was not much security in our position, not much depth under out feet, and nothing to keep us from falling. At times in this health walk, I have found myself in that same vulnerable place, standing on the precipice of life and death, making choices to hold on tight to God or let go and allow myself to fall.  I'm thankful that when we fall or seemingly fail, God is NEVER too far to catch us:)

Though my weight loss has been minimal during this portion of my journey, I have learned lessons that will last a lifetime.  So, I keep forging forward, seeking the newness of each day, holding tight to the hand of my Savior and trusting in His grace.

I've added a Linky Tool and would love for you to join my by linking your healthy tips, recipes, and weight loss success stories here so we can all 'link' arms and help one another as we journey toward great health.

Monday, May 7, 2012

A Day In The Life

While mommy, daddy and little K~Baby
Have been at the hospital
I had the pleasure of keeping
My little K~Bug and K~Bel for a couple days
Here are a few shots from Sunday

 Can you tell how happy this Big Sis is

K~Bel is more interested in electronics than the new baby
She Loves her daddy's lap-top
 One Proud daddy of three beautiful girlies
AND a beautiful wife
She wants to go swimming
But she only got the hose
 A few moments of rest

 I think she thought she was going to Big school
 K~Bug's request for dinner
Well, they are all under one roof tonight
Hope they get some sleep :)

Friday, May 4, 2012

She's Here Mark

I wish I understood heaven better than I do
Because if I did I'd know if you could see our newest angel

Karly Ainsley Cain
Came into this world today
5 lbs. 13.8 oz.

I don't know what God allows you to know
I only know I missed you today
I had to silently leave the room for a few minutes
Just to shed a few tears
This is the first granddaughter who has entered the world
Without you by our side

You would continue to be so proud of your son
He has become a wonderful husband and father
Of course, he had a great example in you

Our K~Bel was so excited to meet her new little sis
She just wanted to pet and pat her
She is so much like her daddy
Oh Mark, you would love her so much
Four months was just not long enough

And our K~Bug
What a beautiful and gentle young lady she is becoming
If you could have seen her face
When she walked into the room
And saw her new sis
She was SO excited

Here are your three precious little girls, Mark
Oh how I wish they could really know you
Andrew reminded someone that there would be no more Cain's
No boys to carry on your name
Yet, your legacy lives proud
In your boys and three beautiful little girls
Who will carry on your legacy of love

K~Bug and our newest K~Baby

I missed you today
I definitely wanted you by my side
But you taught me how to live
How to move forward
How to love
And how to give
You taught me how to welcome a new Cain into the world
And how to be grateful for Every blessing

Whatever heaven is like
Whatever God allows you to know
I pray you know how much you are missed
But mostly how much your are loved
And how Your legacy will live on
In your three granddaughters

Karly Ainsley
You are a Treasure to Behold

Thursday, May 3, 2012

And Tonight Was No Different

Each time my son and his wife
Prepared to add another child to the family
Mark and I would take them out to a nice dinner
The night before the planned birth

And tonight was no different
Except that Mark was not with us
But then again, maybe he was

Tomorrow, via cesarean,
They will add another little K to their family

Here are just a few of the
60+ unedited photos I took at the golf course

Can you believe she is 38 weeks pregnant

They are a very happy and loving family

A & M

K~Bel always has something to say

No, not a contraction
Just a little wet grass

And, of course, we can't leave out my M

Tomorrow our lives change again
And. I. Can't. Wait.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Weight Loss Wednesday

I Will Not Give Up

My scale has Not gone Up

It has also not shown signs of going down

Playing on a level field?

I have made some changes

Walking more with my sister

Drinking less Sprite

No donuts

Making dinner at home (some nights)

Working productively around the house

Spending less time in front of the TV

No late night snacking

Continuing to struggle with Chips and Cookies

Watching too much TV

Not exercising enough

Not eating a proper breakfast

Not planning my meals

Ordering Pizza

I Am Not Giving Up

He's Still Workin' on Me

What about you???